“Commitment is about having the Discipline to keep going, regardless of how hard/easy it is. Motivation is irrelevant.” — via my facebook newsfeed
And then the question becomes: Do I write it under my own name, or under a pseudonym?
I should start writing personal posts again.
Last night I dreamt of you. After not seeing you for so many years and seeing you again recently, I suppose my subconscious started thinking of the good years we had together - the years we can almost never talk about again in the open.
You look happy now. And in so many ways, i’m really happy for you and him. All three of us shared something special I think. And taking that photo with him the other night felt like the past might possibly be rekindled. But since there was no photo of the three of us, I suppose the bridge is still a long way to being rebuilt.
Either way, I wish we could all still be friends like we used to. I would trade nothing for the years we had together. But I do think a lifetime worth of friendship is a terrible thing to lose because of a few years of… complication?
“But boys must be trained to take risks, which means being confident in the midst of the unknown… Courtship reveals how necessary this masculinity is. Many modern young men approach a girl, and they are quite serious as far as their intentions go, but they are afraid of interfering with her life. “You know, she is going to graduate soon, but she wants to go to school at Notre Dame, and I don’t really want to go to Notre Dame, and showing interest in her would really disrupt all her plans.” But the whole point of courtship is to disrupt a young lady’s plans… A young man should not be afraid of disrupting, because marriage is by its very nature a disruption of her previous way of life.”
-Douglas Wilson, Her Hand in Marriage
I never really saw it from this angle before.
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I took almost a year long (maybe longer) to decide to tell a girl how I felt about her. And all I got was her ignoring me the past month or so. This despite us being friends and talk almost everyday before.
I feel slighted. Insulted maybe? Maybe it doesn’t pay to take friendships and relationships seriously.
I also can’t help but to take my female friends less seriously now. I understand a little why male chauvanism exist now. Females want to hop around and look for the best partner and will drop you as quickly as they find the next better option. Men shouldn’t clamour to girl. It’s too expensive an exercise - it requires you to put time, money and a shitload of emotions.
Men should just compete with other men to be the most desirable partner so that you gets first dibs when the girls clamour over.
Haiz. Perhaps I’ve been sharing too much of my life with my good friends. I regret it now because the danger of people knowing a lot but not everything is they all think they know everything about me.
I’m the kind of guy who commits. The guy who waited 8 years on a girl. When he finally called that one quits, got attached for 2 years only to get dumped. And despite that still spent 3 years trying to get over her. And then spent another 2 years trying to make sure that his feelings for someone else were certain and made a commitment to her before she even knew he wants her to commit.
I’m fine with many things in life. But I hate it when my loyalties are questioned.
Loneliness is something that is amplified by the no. of people one knows. For instance, when you have a really bad day and you know only 1 person, it’s easy to feel that your one friend is not free.
But when you have a bad day and you scroll through Facebook, your address book, gtalk, whatsapp and Skype only to realise there’s no one you can call, it rings really loud that a few thousand people may not want to hear you out.
It’s true when they say that you don’t feel lonely when you’re by yourself. You’re lonelier when you’re in a crowd…